For many years, I did not look forward to Mother's Day. Perhaps, it was the loss of my own dear Mother, 25 years ago that began my self-imposed exile from the holiday. I felt no reason to celebrate because the emptiness was unbearable. The Buddhists believe that "to lose your Mother is to lose your Universe." At one point, I even began making other plans with friends instead of with my family. I did this for five years, penciling out the date on the calendar months in advance so that everyone would know that I was not available. Things began to change when I realized that I was not feeling worthy about being a mother. How could this be? I breastfed my 3 children, was a full-time teacher, 4-H leader, juggled everyone's activities and appointments. I put everyone in the family first on the agenda, trying to make them happy, and in the process, was putting me last on the list. So, I knew what I needed to do to be a good mother, I needed to take care of myself first. It has been gradual over the years, I realize that I cannot take on every activity, and delegate duties to others when I know I just can't handle a stressful situation. I am more conscious of planning and managing, and I am involved in the activities that make me happy and I can pass this on to my family. It has not been easy, but I think that I am getting there. Today was the best Mother's Day weekend that I have ever had. We all contributed to its success and I do not feel guilty about spending most of the day in the hot tub!
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